Crooked Words Read online

three years at a shoe store. As a casual. You don’t even want to work Fridays. You don’t want to work full time. What do you think that means?

  [Maria pauses, staring at Diana. Diana doesn’t have an answer.]

  Maria: I don’t understand. You were so good at school. Why are you doing this?

  [Diana adds another chair to the stack on the table before speaking.]

  Diana: Mum, I … it’s not like that. It’s not. I—

  Maria: [interrupts] You’re going to be too old for anyone to hire you. You need to settle down, get a qualification, decide on a career, stick to it. You don’t want to end up like … well, like those girls at the chicken shop, do you? Too old to work anywhere else?

  [Maria turns to grab a chair of her own.]

  Diana: I’m twenty-two. How is this old?

  Maria: It is if you go back to school. You’ll be behind everyone else your age. Employers won’t like it. You don’t know how hard it can be to get a job when you’re older. I … some of the ladies at the club told me about it. They ask questions. They pass you over for young girls straight out of school. I don’t want that for you.

  [Maria stacks chair.]

  Diana: Mum. I’m not old. I don’t know what planet you’re on, but I’m not old. Josie says that people don’t even really grow up until they’re twenty-six. At least.

  Maria: Josie?

  Diana: Some woman I know. Anyway. Can we not do this? Mum, I just lost my job and this isn’t helping.

  Maria: [stalking off toward another chair] I’m trying to be here for you, Diana. That’s all I’m trying to be—here for you, if you’ll let me. Of course, I can’t help it if you don’t see it that way, if you think your poor old Mum can’t help you, or isn’t good enough, or—

  Diana: Mum … that’s not what I meant. I know you’re trying to help. It’s just…

  [Diana stops and sits down on a chair in the middle of her side of the stage, looking out to the audience.]

  Diana: I just mean … stuff like this. The harping. The receptionist job. You just go on and on about it, like I’m some kid that’s too stupid to get it. Like I can’t do things for myself.

  Maria: I think you’re putting words in my mouth, girl. When have I ever said that you can’t do things?

  Diana: [stands up, picks up chair she was sitting on and carries it to the tables] I … I, no. No, you’ve haven’t. I just … you go on and on.

  Maria: [sits down on a chair, looks out to the audience] Did you ever stop to think that I might ‘go on and on’ because you don’t do anything, Diana?

  Diana: [adds her chair to the pile] But why do I need to do anything? Mum, I don’t get it!

  Maria: You’re a bright, intelligent girl who could be doing things that are so much better than shoes, so why the hell aren’t you? Why are you mooching around, taking Fridays off, going nowhere and getting yourself fired?

  Diana: I didn’t get myself fired. And David was good to me—I really liked it there. He always gave me the best shifts he could.

  [Maria stops and stares across at Diana.]

  Maria: That’s what got you fired. Can’t you see that? It was a nothing job. You don’t have a career, you don’t have your own place—

  Diana: [interrupts] You know that I’m saving up. You said I could live here while I saved.

  Maria: [puts her chair on the pile with a hard thumping noise] Don’t interrupt me, Diana. Haven’t I taught you better than that?

  Diana: Yes.

  Maria: Yes, I have.

  [Maria pauses, waiting for an answer. Diana says nothing.]

  Maria: Well? For what, then? What are you saving for, Diana?

  [Diana still says nothing.]

  Maria: Well, what?

  Diana: I’ve been thinking that I’m okay at art.

  Maria: Your sketches? That’s what you want to do?

  Diana: Yeah. People think I’m good.

  Maria: That’s your hobby, hon. We all need hobbies, but that’s all they are—hobbies, like my flowers. Say, did you see my newest vase?

  [Maria smiles and gestures towards one of the flower arrangements.]

  Diana: It’s great, Mum. They always are.

  Maria: But it’s not going to bring in the money now, is it?

  Diana: Things are different these days, Mum. It could! You could do a course, and make a website. [Diana talks faster, with enthusiasm.] You know all the girls down at the netball club—you could advertise there, do all the club dos and weddings. You know your flowers are better than those trashy arrangements Claire had at hers! I bet you could find wholesale flower sellers online, and—

  Maria: [interrupts] How’s that going to help you right now?

  Diana: I just thought…

  Maria: You need to be focusing on a career right now, something that pays the bills—like the receptionist job. That stuff, if it happens, is for later.

  Diana: Mum! I don’t want to be a receptionist!

  [Diana crosses the stage to grab one of the outermost chairs, glancing at the overstuffed bag as she passes it by. Maria stops in her wall-building to rub her cleaning cloth over the tables.]

  Maria: Well, what are you going to do then?

  [Diana stops, sits down in her chair and stares out towards the audience again.]

  Diana: I … I only got fired five hours ago. I haven’t told Suze yet. I haven’t thought about any of it yet.

  Maria: That’s your problem. You never think about these sorts of things.

  [Diana pauses.]

  Diana: You do.

  Maria: Excuse me?

  Diana: [to audience] You think of everything, don’t you? You’ve got your plans, just like I’m a child. I don’t want it. I don’t need it.

  Maria: When are you ever going to start acting like an adult, then? You’ve been fired and you can’t even manage it.

  [Diana stands.]

  Diana: Look—Mum. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t do things the way you do, think about them that way, but—

  Maria: [interrupts] You’re going to have to. You have to start growing up. What if I’m not able to put a roof over your head? What if I can’t pay all the bills? What if something happens to me? What then, Diana? What are you going to do then, if you don’t start acting like an adult?

  Diana: I don’t need you to, Mum.

  Maria: What?

  Diana: [grabs hold of her chair and carries it to the tables] You don’t have to hold my hand. Put a roof over my head. I can do things on my own. I can look after myself.

  Maria: What, then? What have you ever done that’s looking after yourself? Anna got you your job, didn’t she?

  Diana: Yes, she did, but—

  Maria: [interrupts]What else, then?

  [Diana pauses, looking nervous, and then speaks.]

  Diana: I started seeing Josie.

  Maria: Josie? Who is this Josie? [pauses] You’re not … not seeing a woman, are you? Because you do know that I’ll always love you, Diana? Whoever you happen to … uh, be with?

  Diana: No! Well, I don’t know. I never really thought about that sort of thing. Maybe. But no. Josie’s my psychologist.

  [Diana places her chair on the table and heads across the stage after another chair.]

  Maria: Your what?

  Diana: Psychologist.

  Maria: You’re seeing a psychologist.

  Diana: On Fridays.

  Maria: You’ve gone and started seeing a psychologist. Why? You’re not crazy! You need to grow up, but you’re not … crazy.

  [Diana sits down on her chair and faces the audience.]

  Diana: Everyone’s a little bit crazy, Mum. Anyway. Stuff I’m doing? I’m also working on a portfolio for university. Drawings and graphic design stuff.

  [Maria drops the cleaning cloth. She ignores it and heads toward another chair.]

  Diana: [continues] Mum?

  Maria: You’re what?

  Diana: I’m putting together an art portfolio for when applications open next month.


  [Maria says nothing. She wanders around the stage, picking up items and replacing them, straightening vases. She opens her mouth and, for a moment, looks as if she’s about to speak before closing her mouth again.]

  Diana: I would’ve liked to work longer, have more time to save up money for accommodation next year, but…

  Maria: You’re going to university? For art?

  [Maria collects and stacks a chair on the table, and then goes in search of another.]

  Diana: Applying, anyway. I’m hoping to get into somewhere in the city. I don’t want it to be just a hobby, Mum. I just don’t want to be like … well, to be like…

  Maria: Like what?

  Diana: [to the audience] You.

  Maria: Excuse me?

  Diana: It’s different for you, Mum. I get that. You had to get whatever job you could to look after me, I guess. You didn’t have the chance, back then. But things are different now. Have you never wondered what it’d be like, to go off and do something you love?

  Maria: You have no idea what I’ve done to look after you.

  Diana: I—

  Maria: I don’t understand. Why couldn’t you tell me this … any of this? Psychologists and portfolios? What else are you keeping secret from me?

  Diana: I’m really dating Anna and David’s going to marry us on the last day of work?

  [Maria just gapes at Diana.]

  Diana: Just joking, Mum. Besides. It’s not even legal, yet.

  Maria: You think it’s funny, playing around with me at a time like this?

  Diana: No, I… Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

  Maria: You didn’t mean to hurt me? You have, Diana. You have. I’m your mother, I’m always there for you, I’ve told you time and time again that I’ll listen to anything you have to say, and now you’ve gone and kept all these secrets from me. For how long? Why? I’m your mother! Whatever you can say to this Josie, you can say to me!

  Diana: I can’t really talk to you about things. I